Funniest ๐คฃ Travel ✈️ Moments
On a Southwest flight, I discovered I had one of the funniest flight attendants on board with me.
It was one of the best flights I have ever been on!
Transcript
Ladies and gentlemen top of the evening to you. Thank you for coming out and joining this evening over to Islip. Our flight time is going to be two hours.
In command of our aircraft tonight is Captain Justin. He’s assisted this evening by first officer Michael your cabin staff George is in the back of the aircraft Chris admit cabin and Robert upfront. We’re going to ask you at this time to direct your attention to the flight attendants. We’re going to point out the safety features of the 737700 series aircraft.
Now ladies and gentlemen in the event that you have not been in an automobile since 1942 we’re going to show you how to fasten this seat belt watch closely
Do you this it you do that. That seat belt needs to be low and tight across your hips just like the hot pink Speedo I’m wearing tonight when we get to the hotel on tub.
Folks, you don't like the jokes of service tonight, six ways out of this airplane. Feel free to use them there’s going to be two forward exit doors two over wing window exits and two rear exit doors - there's signs on the ceiling there's disco lights on the floor they're going to lead you to these exits now the seat back pocket in front of you it's a safety information card you'll want to read it before you need it it outlines the safety features of this particular aircraft
Now in the unlikely event that our captain decides to turn the love airline, Southwest Airlines, into a cruise this evening, we’ll instruct you how to remove the life vest from beneath the seat.
Ladies and gentlemen it's a life vest it's not a toilet seat cover it goes over your head you bring the black strap around your tiny little waist you snap the two ends together and pull to tighten. To inflate the life vest after you exit the aircraft you pull down on the red tab. Those of you that have to do absolutely everything the most difficult way and those over achievers, well you blow into that red tubing located at the shoulder.
The very best of luck to you with that but then keep kicking and paddling over to the cabin shore, we will be behind you shortly.
You’ll be able to recognize the cabin staff we’re the ones toting that liquor kit. Now folks, the gentleman are passing through the cabinet this time because simply and frankly we do not trust you we have trust issues we’re ensuring that your handbag is beneath the seat.
Seat-back service trays are in full upright lock position. Your handbag all the way underneath the seat and that your cellular phone is being used not for texting or for video at this time. -- Ladies and gentlemen thank you again for traveling with us. This is non-smoking flight. If you have to have a cigarette this evening before we land, we have two entertainment lounges for you. One’s out there on that left wing, the other one directly across the hallway on the right wing. You think you're talented enough to light it? You can certainly try and smoke it. But the rest of us we're going to enjoy two feature films this evening “Gone With the Wind” and “Bye Bye Birdie”. Very simple, very easy don't be naughty in the potties and leave the webcam alone in there you end up on YouTube next week. Folks $22,000 for tampering with the smoke detector in these lavatories and you know if you had $22,000 you would be on American airlines back over there to Iceland this evening to first class.
Now the gentleman and I we certainly wouldn't have shown up for work tonight if we'd anticipated a decompression, but in the event of a decompression for saffron yellow buttercup mask designed by Gucci and Martha Stewart, well they're going to drop from that compartment overhead and to start the flow of the alcohol you have to first stop screaming. You have to let go of the person next to you - reach up and grab that mask.
Fully extended the plastic tubing you place it over your big nose and mouth and you continue wearing that mask and breathing normally until otherwise notified by one of your three fabulously dressed Flight Attendants. -- Now ladies if I can have your attention again, ladies, for those of you traveling with someone that's going to need your assistance and ladies you know who I’m exactly talking about. Yes ma'am him. That very dear husband of yours. Darling when the mask fall you may want to take my advice: sit back relax think about it for a bit some more Diamonds.
For those of you traveling with your children why? And for those of you back there traveling with two of your children what in the world were you thinking tonight? When those fast fall put the mask on the bright one that one's going to contribute to your retirement fund most successfully. --- We thank you so much for sharing your night with us do us a favor sit back relax and enjoy our in-flight hospitality or you can sit up and be tense, that choice is yours. -- It’s a pleasure to serve you tonight it is most definitely ours.
Now we've got one final message for you before we depart:
We love you * You love us * We’re much faster than the bus * We hope you enjoy our hospitality * Marry one of us and you would fly free!
But you need to know: One of us is a little higher maintenance than the other two.
Comments: ๐คฃ
Chat with him after the flight: He basically said as long as he touches on the key points in the script the FAA has no issue with the comedy. Really sweet guy.
๐I think they'd be happy he does this since more people probably pay attention to this than the regular safety announcements.
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I heard these gems on a flight: "If you need connecting information you can ask the service representatives at the end of the airport gangway. They are dressed like Realtors."
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Humor is a very good tool in teaching/training. He knows what he's doing ๐
๐He may sound flippant, but I guarantee those people remember the safety procedures. Brilliant.
๐Southwest is totally the funniest airline I have ever flown and I always fly Southwest because of it. Not only are they affordable but the quality is awesome. It does ease the anxiety a bit. I have so many stories with Southwest but one of my favorites was that they had us try out our overhead lights on a count of three everyone had to turn it on and turn it off and when everyone turned it off, the cabin crew started singing happy birthday to someone on the plane because the lights represented candles being blown out. It was awesome!
๐“In the unlikely event that our captain decides to turn the love airline into a cruise..” ๐...This man should be a comedian
Hilarious Flight Attendant
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