Rethinking Loneliness 📚 + Stigma of Solitude

Rethinking Loneliness

Singledom & the Stigma of Solitude 

Corrie Evanoff 

How the rise of single Americans is reshaping society—and the way we view and experience solitude.

Marriage rates are at a record low and the number of unpartnered adults is steadily on the rise.
Still, for any single person, it can be a pain going it alone in a society that historically favors the married. And comfortable in solitude or not, anyone can struggle with feelings of loneliness from time to time—feelings no doubt exacerbated during the pandemic.
Read on to explore and examine how singlehood has been defined throughout history and pop culture, as well as how demographic factors, office culture, and tax codes can contribute to disparate experiences of single people. Plus, the importance of life choice representation, and the power and pleasure of eating, traveling, and thriving solo.

Single Doesn’t Mean Being Lonely or Alone    - Elizabeth Brake  The Conversation  

Singles can face mistaken stereotypes and value judgments that they are less happy, or lonelier. For many, being single is simply a relationship preference or even an orientation.

BONUS READ: What To Say To Relatives Prying Into Your Love Life Over The Holidays—Or Anytime via Bustle.

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 A Profile of Single Americans  - Anna Brown  Pew Research Center

Singles are split between being on and off the dating market.

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The Hidden Costs of Living Alone   -   Joe Pinsker The Atlantic

In ways both large and small, American society still assumes that the default adult has a partner and that the default household contains multiple people.

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Your Own Harriet - Anne Helen Petersen  Culture Study

The tremendous power of life choice representation. 

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How Our Solo Homes Became Cocoons -   Jacqueline Kantor   Curbed 

The idea of making a home into a place for others, as opposed to one’s self, is falling out of style.

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Eating Alone -  Stephanie Rosenbloom  Longreads 

We’re eating alone more often than in any previous generation. But why should a meal on our own be uninspired? Why shouldn’t the French saying “life is too short to drink bad wine” still apply?

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The Married Will Soon Be the Minority -   Charles M. Blow The New York Times

This is a development with enormous consequences for how we define family and adulthood in general, as well as how we structure taxation and benefits.

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One Legacy of the Pandemic May Be Less Judgment of the Child-Free - Samhita Mukhopadhyay  The Atlantic

The coronavirus could change lingering cultural assumptions about what makes for a full and happy life.

BONUS READ: The Rise of the Childfree Movement on TikTok via Mashable.

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Why Middle-Aged Men Have Trouble Sustaining Friendships  - Billy Baker Literary Hub

Billy Baker on loneliness and finding connection.

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 How the U.S. Tax Code Privileges White Families - Dorothy A. Brown  The Atlantic

Tax policies have preserved the inequality that has long defined America.

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“Marriage Should Not Come With Any Social Benefits or Privileges” - Vicki Larson  Aeon 

 Social and legal benefits that favor the married disadvantage the single. Why should your love life be used against you?

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In a Season of Weddings and Baby Showers, What Can Single People Do to Celebrate Their Lives?  - Eleanor Gordon-Smith  The Guardian

Do you want a ritual defined by the absence of settling down, or just one without its trappings? 

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Before You Can Be With Others, First Learn to Be Alone  -Jennifer Stitt Aeon

Solitude is a practice that prepares one for social and political life. To be with others, first learn to be alone.

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A History of Loneliness  - Amelia Worsley The Conversation

Although loneliness may seem timeless and universal, the word seems to have originated in the 16th century. 

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How the ‘Crazy’ Cat Lady Became One of Pop Culture’s Most Enduring Sexist Tropes -  Rae Alexandra   KQED

The stereotype has been with us since the Middle Ages. But where did it come from? And why has it stuck around?

BONUS READ: ‘Spinster’ and ‘Bachelor’ Were, Until 2005, Official Terms for Single People via Smithsonian Magazine.

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Men Are Now More Likely to Be Single Than Women. It’s Not a Good Sign - Belinda Luscombe  Time

Almost a third of adult single men live with a parent.

BONUS READ: I Was a “Male Spinster” via Salon.

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The Ambition-Marriage Trade-Off Too Many Single Women Face

Amanda Pallais Leonardo Bursztyn Thomas Fujiwara Harvard Business Review

A study shows some women downplay their ambitions to find a partner.

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Lonely? Short of Friends? Try Looking at It Differently - Oliver Burkeman The Guardian 

You never see your friends at home alone in their pajamas, watching The X Factor, and feeling sorry for themselves.

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Can’t Buy Me Love: How Romance Wrecked Traditional Marriage  - Hunter Oatman - Stanford Collectors Weekly 

In reality, it’s the idea of marrying for love that’s untraditional.

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Why Are Increasing Numbers of Women Choosing to Be Single? - Emma John   The Guardian

The word ‘spinster’ is still freighted with pity and misogyny, yet the number of women living this way is growing. It’s time to reconsider what it means to be ‘never-married’.
BONUS READ: The Women Who Are Involuntary Celibates via The Guardian.
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Single Moms vs. Single Dads: Examining the Double Standards of Single Parenthood: Examining the Double Standards of Single Parenthood   -  Maressa Brown   Parents

Investigating the disparities and pinpointing how we can do better to support all solo parents.
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Decolonizing Love In A World Rigged For Black Women’s Loneliness -  Shaadi Devereaux   Refinery29

The world is rigged for Black women’s loneliness and isolation. Here’s how to decolonize love.
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Lonely? Short of Friends? Try Looking at It Differently  - Oliver Burkeman    The Guardian

You never see your friends at home alone in their pajamas, watching The X Factor, and feeling sorry for themselves.
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Can’t Buy Me Love: How Romance Wrecked Traditional Marriage  - Hunter Oatman-Stanford   Collectors Weekly

In reality, it’s the idea of marrying for love that’s untraditional.
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Families of Choice Are Remaking America - Bella DePaulo   Nautilus

Through their networks of friends, singles are strengthening society’s social bonds.
BONUS READ: The Rise of Platonic Co-Parenting via The Guardian.
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Traveling Alone, in Groups -  Debra Kamin  The New York Times

Group tour companies are accommodating more and more solo travelers, who are looking for company—and someone else to handle the complexities of traveling during the pandemic.
BONUS READ: On Breakups and Taking Your Dream Adventure Solo via Outside.
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How Being Single Has Been Rebranded -  Vicky Spratt  Refinery29

There’s a reason why the most lucrative forms of popular culture continue to ask questions about how men and women should be (or not be) together—it’s because we haven’t got it right yet.
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Adventures in the Art of Being Alone - Maria Popova   The Marginalian (formerly Brain Pickings)

“Loneliness is difficult to confess; difficult too to categorize. Like depression, a state with which it often intersects, it can run deep in the fabric of a person.”
BONUS READ: May Sarton’s Stunning 1938 Ode to Solitude via The Marginalian.
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How to Enjoy Being Single - David Robson   Psyche

Defy society’s singlism and discover ways to embrace a joyful, independent life.
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Alone in the Kitchen: The Seductive Nature of Solo Cooking - Wendell Brock   The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

If two’s company and three’s a crowd, maybe now one is the magic number in the kitchen.

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