“Female Speak”
Translation
Translation
Fine: This is
the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to
shut you up. NEVER use “fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you
to have one of those arguments.
Five Minutes: This is half an hour.
It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting
upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
Go Ahead (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or “do what you want
because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a
few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you
in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that
moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
“Nothing”.
Nothing: This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is
usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside
down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last
“Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.
Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get
that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If
she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She
will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the
window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the
lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more
to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so
unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.
Please Do: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have
done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a
“That’s Okay”.
Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of
the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not
move or breathe and she will stay content.
Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.
Thanks a Lot: This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say,
“Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have
hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be
careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell
you “Nothing.”
That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
“That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used
with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go
Ahead”.
At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
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