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After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'this is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week.
Can you do this?'
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
Selling my stuff when I die
The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is...
One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some asshole using my stuff."
She looked at me intently and said:
The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is...
One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some asshole using my stuff."
She looked at me intently and said:
"What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"
A psychiatrist was conducting group therapy with 4 young mothers and their small children.
The doctor observed.... "You all have obsessions"
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To the 1st mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
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He looks to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He looks to the 2nd mother, "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
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He looks to the 3rd mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
He looks to the 3rd mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
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At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says... "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!" 😲
At this point, the 4th mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and says... "Come on, Dick, we're leaving!" 😲
SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
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SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated”
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated”
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No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
Well... This is your grandma's idea...
No Underwear - Makes Sense to Me
A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
'Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?' he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
Well... This is your grandma's idea...
last week I sat out here with no shirt on
and I got a stiff neck.
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