Dalida🎼Greatest Hits !

Dalida

Greatest Hits !

*

*

WHY Men Are Just Happier People

WHY

Men Are Just Happier People

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours. 

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks and engines.


A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a twelve-pack.



Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.
    
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    
Everything on your face stays its original color.
    
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.   

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.  

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives 

on December 24 in 25 minutes!!

No wonder men are happier.

I'm So Happy 👩 I'm A Woman!

I'm So Happy I'm A Woman!

Every day I give thanks to the Goddess:
I have two mounds upon my bodice,
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee,
I can justify any shopping spree.

Not to a barber, but a beauty salon.
Can get a massage without a hard on,
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas,
Can talk to my friends about the size of my a$$.
 
I always save money by using coupons.
Can admit to others when I am wrong.
Don't drive in circles at any cost,
So I don't have to admit when I am lost.

I don't act like I'm in a timed marathon,
Every time I go to the john.

Listen to me boys,
Those things in your pants that you treat as toys,
You love them more then we ever will.

I spend two hours preparing for a date,
Only to find you're two hours late.
I don't watch movies with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay to remember
...the score.

I won't lose my hair.
I don't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a Witch.

I don't wear the same underwear every day,
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay.

I don't go to Sears
To look at the tools.
I don't cheat at poker,
I follow the rules.

I don't smoke cigars.
Don't pay for drinks at bars.
I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi."
And it's okay for me to cry.

I know all you men

Think that you're "IT,"

But compared to a woman,

Your just a lazy $hi+!

               

AMA weighs in on Obamacare

AMA weighs in on ObamaCares

It doesn't take long for a clever response to come up on the internet!

The American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.  

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness. Radiologists could see right through it.  

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.

The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter". 

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, 
and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

Additionally, I understand that Chiropractors think it’s just “full of cracks”.